Well.

Lost in Translation

I get the feeling that everyone has these moments in their lives.
 They think about whether or not they're doing the right thing, involved in the right thing, with the right person. Whatever you want.  It's a serious enough moment to keep them up at night, or distract during the day, so every other thought you have is overpowering anything you should be thinking about.

What are you supposed to do? What if you're a coward, like me, and you don't have the strength to just...stop?
What then?

I'm not going to lie, my thoughts could be coming from a variety of things. A long, boring, stressful summer away from a majority of my friends. Things out of my control, like, for me, the impact my sister is making on my family. Relationship problems, school problems (And that hasnt even started yet...)

Sometimes I know what I should do, but then I can't do it. I know everyone's got problems, and sure everyone else's are probably ten times more important than mine. But even little problems can overwhelm someone. Sometimes.

But it's like we're our own Brat Pack..

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.

Yes, i am just like half of the girls in the world. I was a chubby child throughout the end of elementary/middle school, and i suppose i just haven't quite gotten over it... Media sucks right?

http://www.therocketsummer.com/

Free download of his acoustic/concert album.. Brings me back to the old days. :) I first started listening to The Rocket Summer back in highschool..sophomore year-ish. Do you ever have that moment where you hear a song that you listened to obsessively during a certain time-period, and the moment it starts playing you immediately are back in that time? 

Rocket Summer, All Time Low, Automatic Loveletter and A Fine Frenzy do that for me. Like i said, it was sophomore year.. Me, Kayla, Alyssa were dubbed "Freshmores" by a few upperclassmen (and still called it now, sometimes). It was a year of firsts for me. First live concert (The Rocket Summer/All Time Low :]), first boyfriend, first "heartbreak", first trip without parents. We were babies, and we were best friends, and we were all generally happy.  I just remember scary movies, Mick's pizza, cookie dough and hanging out with my best friends. I miss it. 

I would probably trade anything to get that friendship back.

But anyway, that was not the aim of this blog...not that this had an aim.  May is almost at an end, and it seems like it's been the LONGEST month in the world...I'm already not too thrilled with this 3.5 month summer break. It'd be better if i had a consistent job... (You know something's wrong when a girl is WANTING to be working every day). I'll just have to fill my days with practicing (if only it was less frustrating..), bike rides (without falling off and potentially breaking something), and entertaining children. And dogs. Hooray. 

There's not much happening in June..

-Visit on the 11th :)

-MICHAEL BUBLE WITH CARYN ON THE 23RD!!!!!!!!!

-Hopefully visit Abcde and Scott with Delin on the 24th!!

and aside from my minimal nannying, that's it.  

For now, i'll have to satisfy myself with ebay shopping and pokemon.

Yes, pokemon. I'm reliving the past :P

For Caryn

Day 17 - A picture of someone that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

Enter generic picture of half of the UNI school of music.

I'm sitting here at 10:37 on a Monday night, chatting with Delin and Caryn on facebook and Jake on skype.
And i realize that I already REALLY miss everyone at UNI.  I miss my unnamed quartet, i miss Caryn, i miss Dr Washut, Dr McCandless, my studio, various ensembles, the Hub, and even the people I know but I dont know. The ones i have talked to a few times but usually just smile at when i walk by them. Having something to legitimately practice for. Having a little room to clean and call my own (half of it, anyway).  Spending nights WITH the people i like, not just electronically talking to them.

I miss all of it.  But not the point of being emo :) I cant wait til next Fall! It's gonna be magical.

This is what i've done while I've been home:

~Laid out

~Stumbled upon things

~Churchy church

~Grad Parties (woo...)

~Played with Lucille

~practiced...a bit..

~survived a rapture

~Laid out some more

~Transplanted my flowers

~Started a "wedding document" (Thanks to Kristen..)

Aka..... I've done NOTHING. It's been thrilling. I went to Mason city for a few days. We didnt do much because Jake is not a born event planner. I played Pokemon for the first time in MANY years.. (Yes, i play/like video games..sue me). We went outside a few times. I threw a Frisbee. It was a grand ole time in Mason City! Jk. Dont tell him that or he'll cry...

Tomorrow I go on a bike ride at 5am. Then to the wonderful orthodontist to whom I owe my mouth/soul.  Then to visit Randy Hoepker with K-Ray (he's letting me play the Eflat clarinet for a concert in a few weeks!!! Suck it MoPete! ((jk again!!!)), then girls night of some sort, then my summer job begins.  I'm babysitting some children that I'm related to for a few days, then nannying some other children I have no relation to. The good thing is, these children are all active/outdoorsy so I'll be getting a workout (however much you can get with small children, me being 5'10" and all) as well as more of a tan.  I'll be doing that sort of thing throughout the summer, not daily though. So not fabulous money, but enough i guess. It'll be my first job since good old Illahee hills, back in the day..

Well that's pretty much all that's been going on in my life recently. It's only been 2/3ish weeks since school got out, but it feels like it's been a lifetime. I can only hope it starts to go by quickly. No offense, Urbandale..

I'll probably post again sometime in my lifetime. Only if my baby dog is having puppies.

(disclaimer - She's not literally a baby. A baby having babies would be weird)

Kbye.

Clarinet love.

Day 16: A picture of someone who inspires you

Time for me being cheesy. I've taken lessons with her for one school year, and Dr McCandless is AMAZING. I've never met anyone who inspired me more.  I may not be one of her students that she focuses on the most, seeing as I'm not performance major, and far from one of the talented ones, but every lesson I've had with her led to me learning an incredible amount.  I never WANTED to practice in high school, but here I do want to.  Her talent with the clarinet is an inspiration, as well as her passion for teaching all of us.  She's told me so many times that she loves teaching our studio, and that she looks forward to it (almost) every day. If I ever get half of her talent, I'll be good to go. 

Today is the last official day of my first year of college! WEIRD. I'm sooo ready to get back to Urbandale (to my puppiieees :]), but I'm sure I'll miss UNI at some point.  Right now, I'm convinced I wont, but that's because I'm stressed from finals and slightly sad about a few things. After a few weeks I'll be wanting to come back. 

I already have a job i guess, which is new for me. I'm gonna be a nanny.. :P big money, i know. But I dont plan on keeping it anyway, so it's fine.  Practicing my butt off to get to Italy is also another of my plans. I will cry if I dont get in wind symphony. Crying is not a big deal these days, I'm all too used to it.  But basically..I plan on spending some time doing new things this summer, not just sitting on my butt watching greys like last summer.. I dont want to sit and wait for people to contact me this summer. 

I will miss people though...contrary to what some may believe, I'm not only going to miss my boyfriend. God forbid I hang out with someone who I know likes me most of the time. (yes, most of the time.) These 5 months of the past year have been rough for a lot of reasons, one of which is the fact that I may not have hung out with friends as much as they would've liked. There are a lot of reasons why, most of them being that I dont exactly like what my friends choose to do some nights. And I have every capability of saying no, I know that. But it's complicated. I feel like I'm not as into the friends part of college as I was at one point, and I know i'm not using my time as well as I should all of the time, and it sucks. But I also know that it can be fixed, and I can come back from this. I've had the best 5 months of my life, despite all the times i've been upset about something, all the bad grades in music classes, all the friends I may not be as close to. Next year will be a new start, and I'll know how to handle things better. This year was amazing, but next year will be even better. New roommate, new classes, new year. 

Finals Overview:

Mucho A's. Or like, 3. I dont know though, I'm not concerned with those...

I got a B- in Aural Training!!! I think it's a miracle. Or Dr Washut taking pity on me.

A on Sight Singing!!

Who knows on Theory..Keyboard component is probz an F.

Math:??? DONT CARE.

Jury: A-! Hoorah. :)

Only ones left? Piano and Lit. 

Bring it, Dr Guy.

Midnight Truffle

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

The first thing that popped into my head when i read this.

For some reason, I really want to skydive.  I can barely jump off a diving board onto a blob (GENEVA), so I have no idea how i'll work up to this.... and i'm sure my mother is having a heart attack right now.  But maybe someday.

So...Two weeks before summer. I'm not sure if anyone could be more excited than me... I am SO freakin ready to get out of here! And not just because there was a freak snow storm up here this past week...wtf Iowa. I'm tired of this schedule I'm in. I rarely have convenient times to practice, which sometimes leads to me not practicing, leading to my face hurting next time i do, etc... But I just need something new to do. New places to go, and time to actually relax. Without having anyone to hang out with, anywhere to be, and anything to have prepared by a certain time.

Don't get me wrong. I'll be practicing my butt off this summer, because I am absolutely desperate to get into Wind Symphony.  Lord knows I'm going to have enough time... Kristen is leaving for the ENTIRE summer, so no Star Trek parties :( I hate to say it, but there's really not that many people I hang out with at home anymore. Not to mention everyone will be doing job things, and planning for college, etc. Summer will be interesting. And probably will be from here on out, for many reasons.


I'm home! I came home this weekend because:
A) I love Easter!!!!!
B) I need a break from school, and everything with it
C) My body hates me.


So here I am, watching Prince of Persia with mi madre, watching a cardinal keep flying back to the bird feeder outside the living room window, and blogging about nothing. And recovering from getting my 4 months-and-going wisdom tooth problem taken care of. I love laughing gas...so so much.  I wondered today, in my laughing gas induced state...What would happen if we shot bombs of laughing gas all over the world? I would get a huge kick out of that. :D


It's been a while since I last wrote anything... Not much has happened. Finals are coming closer and closer, everyone is getting more stressed, practice rooms are filled at every moment, and students of Dr Washut are crying more frequently. 
Ok, maybe that's just me. 
I also had a birthday! I am now the hugely unimportant age of 19. WOOOO. I got a PILLOW PET and Sims3 from my parents, among various other things that I hugely appreciate (such as a large cake...bloohgohggo). Hearing "Happy birthday!" so many times throughout the day (as well as seeing it on facebook) was entertaining. And it made me very, very happy. It made me realize how blessed I am to know so many amazing people, and for getting to know all the new and fantastically talented people up in Cedar Falls. I can't wait to spend the next few years with all of them. :)


Enough verbal ADHD. I have no central focus to this point, i just wanted to get a lot of stuff out. Time to go make a new Sims family :)

Best. Mood. EVER.

Day 14: A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

A dog counts as "Someone" right? In my world it does.

This is Lucy. I love her, and I know she loves me.  She shows me what unconditional love is. 

If you think that's stupid, you probably dont own a dog.

Fun Fact: There are certain personalities I can't handle for more than a few hours a day.

Even more fun: The time limit gets shorter as I get more irritated.

I've met very few people that I can handle being around for extended periods of time..I realize that most of that is probably my fault, but I'm pretty sure other people are like this too. I don't do pity parties, or talking about a single topic (or person) day after day, gossip makes me feel like a terrible person, and constant cussing is kind of overkill. 

I dont really like the idea of someone being sad because of something i did, or mad because i said something, so the fact that i get tired of being around people sometimes is not really known. (until now, if you're reading this.)

So, I'm sorry in advance. And I'm sorry for the people who already have to deal with it. I try not to let it show, but sometimes I cant help it.

On a side note...I'm almost 19. I think, compared to most people I've been around recently anyway, I get more enjoyment out of things like birthdays, or Easter, or the dumb little things that bring back old memories. I can't explain it, and I dont care that it may make me seem a little childish sometimes... I dont really see anything wrong with it! :P
Because right now, I've got:
 a red Gerber daisy in a vase thanks to some amazing friends I miss a lot.
A pillow pet sitting on my bed, bein cute.
Sims 3 downloading in my computer AS I TYPE THIS.
A new (used) bike for ragbrai this summer
Cake sitting on the corner of my desk
A big dumb smile on my face because of everything that's happened today
Best. Mood. Ever.

I have the best parents, the best friends, the best boyfriend, and the best support system in the world.  In MY world. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Except better grades in Sight Singing and Aural Training...but that's getting back to reality.
Time for Sims :]