These last few weeks have been interesting...to say the least. One year with Jake, Thanksgiving break, concerts and tests and rehearsals and everything it seems. My academic expectations flipped the week before Thanksgiving, where my playing was getting pretty crappy and my actual schoolwork was going really REALLY well (aside from Theory, but that's a different story). My temper's been quick and explosive at a select few people, and I've had to rein my attitude in a little.
This year's brought some interesting things when it comes to relationships. Friends, parents, boyfriend, siblings, everything's flip-flopped. Internal difficulties in what I thought was a relatively solid group of friends leading to me earning a certain reputation towards someone else. But the thing is, if you don't understand why I may act like that, or say certain things to someone, you don't have any right to judge it. It's been a trial of sorts, but a good one for me to get through. I'm learning about my temper, how much I can handle and how much I need to grow. Being abruptly rude doesn't make me feel good. I'm not a bullying person...do I look like one?
Don't answer that. :P
This whole semester has been tough. Musically, academically, emotionally. Lots of things are different, lots are harder, and being away from home is getting pretty tough. Seeing my parents is a highlight whenever it happens. I'm lucky enough to have parents who'll come to see me at whatever concert or football game and not complain about the ridiculous amount of driving. I don't know how to explain it. Through my whole life we were kind of the definition of an emotionally detached family.. at least in my attention starved whiny teen brain we were. No "i love you's" or excessive hugs or any of that. Didn't really bother me too much i guess, since I can't really remember it being a problem.
But then you do this whole typical "thinking of everything they do for you" thing, and realize how great you've got it. I still have these dumb little episodes over this random memory from over ten years ago i'm sure... Family lunch day at elementary school, my mom brings me lunch and sits down to eat with me and I run away to play with my friend and her fireman dad with his firetruck. So dumb.
There's no way I could ever repay my parents for everything they've ever done for me. So I try, anyway. I'm here, at UNI, fully aware of the huge amount of their help in this. I study for tests, i practice my butt off, I do the best I can to help them. And we're closer than ever now.
So here we are in the last few weeks this semester. Crazy, right? It seems like only a few weeks ago I was practicing for the 2011 show and ISU, learning about dumb rocks and minerals and playing bass for literally every song in the Wind Symphony. The semester blew by. I can't say i'm sad about that, because I know next semester will be the best few months of my life. Possibly. Unless I just jinxed it. Here's hoping the next few weeks, and all their tests, quizzes, rehearsals, juries and finals goes fast. *fingers crossed*
