Resistance

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.

Put your hands up, they're playin our song! Butterflies fly away...Mopete loves Hannah Montana! This picture is hilarious because, for those of us that know him...in any other setting he's the strictest jerk ever!  I feel like, all throughout highschool, me and mopete had a love-hate relationship.  There were moments where he'd be totally fine, trying to make jokes and be "cool with the kids". But then in band, or when he got his administrative attitude.... We had a rollercoaster of a student-teacher friendship.  I do remember, towards the end of senior year, I had been upset about something and was going in to put my stuff away after practicing (which was rare..). But he noticed right away that I was upset and pulled me into his office to chat.  There were moments like that where he wasnt so bad. It was nice..  Now, whenever I see him he just gives me a big (yet professional) hug. What a strange guy.

Half of this semester is finally over!!! Hopefully this next half goes by fast, I dont mind being busy.  I'm honestly looking forward to Juries this semester...I feel prepared already. But that will probably change :)  Dr McCandless has had me working on staccato tonguing practically since the semester began. It is KILLING me! Or more my tongue. I honestly feel really lucky to have such a great teacher.. I never want to disappoint her, and it motivates me to practice. Which i should be doing right now, but I had a bad morning. Things that contributed to the bad morning include...

--Feeling torn

 I was recently told that people are noticing/commenting on how I spend a majority of my time...  It doesnt really bother me that anyone was talking about it, because it is true.  I just don't know what to do.  I know the obvious choice, if I want to keep my friends, but after spending so long doing one thing...it's not that easy. But it's gotta happen sometime right? So I've promised myself...I need to reorder my priorities. No matter how much I may not want to. If I want to succeed at the things I'm doing, this is required.  The downside of all of this happening is that every time I'm with him, around others, I can't help but think that they're judging.

--Money issues

I dont know about the rest of you, but I havent had a legit job since 8th grade.... Yeah, I know. Think whatever you want, but I was busy with many many things all through high school, and never had the motivation. I had no desire to bag crap at HyVee, or work at Fareway, or any of the other typical high schooler jobs.  So it's been a while.. But i need to find a job for the summer. And I have no idea where.. I love Target, so I could apply there. Or Starbucks! Or Riemans, but in all reality, I may have to just settle for something that's not that great. And work a lot.   A job is a job, right? Hopefully someone will be kind enough to overlook my lack of a job history and hire me.. I cant live off of pop can returns for the rest of my life, even if my family drank pop like it gave everlasting life.

--MUSIC CLASSES

This semester, as opposed to last semester, I am in Dr. Washut's theory classes. I knew going in that I would learn a lot more, and that it would be a lot more fun, but also that it would be a LOT of work.  All of that is true, but it's getting overwhelming.  I sit there in class with Abbey, while half the people in the row I'm sitting in are spitting out answers and pitches like they've been doing it since birth.  It makes me insanely jealous of their knowledge, and I want so badly to know everything they know. In Vallentine's class, you could get by with A's, even if you never did anything until the day before something.  I feel so incredibly behind in this class, even though I'm not even doing that badly. But it's what I consider to be bad. I guess I set the expectations a little high for myself.  So yeah, I have cried, during class and after class, on multiple occasions. Including today.  It's not necessarily something I would usually do in front of a lot of people (like i did today..) but it's getting out of my control, and I hate it. 

--Religiousness

I'm going to admit it... I havent been as close with my religion as I used to.  Having no car here, it's a bit hard to get to church at a time that works every weekend. But that's really no excuse for the whole thing...I dont know. I feel stupid even admitting it, because I'm not proud of it. But I realize that it happened.. Two weeks ago, when i was freaking out and praying like crazy for something, I realized that I cant just do that. Praying's not something you only do when you're desperate..It should be for everything.  The song I posted a link to in my last blog: Always, Forever really just kind of shoved it all back at me. So yeah. That's my jumbled religion thoughts.

Those things are kind of stressing me out the most, I guess. There's a lot of other things, but that's because I always worry about everything. I have realized that I'm lucky to have a lot of people who will hug me/talk me down/be there for me like today after AT...Thanks especially to Abbey, Madeline, Scott, Isaak, and Marian.  Somehow, even being obsessed with a single person this semester, and slightly antisocial last semester (for many reasons...haha), I've made a lot of new friends here. Things like that make me realize how much I shouldnt worry about things. 

Things that are delicious:

-Sweet Fiesta Starburst....Yum.

-Panchero's Burrito!

-Cheesy Potato soup

-Yumberry Pomegranate Lifewater

-Strawberry Shortcake gum

-Clarinet solos

-Grey's

-Coloring

-Historical Fiction

-Adele's voice

-Finding songs that bring you back to your religion

-SPRING!

-Skirt weather

Not delicious:

-French Dressing

-Bad ears for AT

-Not having been home in two months :(