Need to Know How

I entered this week thinking everything was gonna be good. Marching band was switched around a few days, no huge tests or whatever, low stress. Then I get back all the tests from the last few weeks and of course everything just drops. Nothing went how I wanted it to, tests were not as I'd hoped and the different times for marching band are screwing with everything. 

Needless to say, I am not chill.

And to top it off, I can't stop thinking about "friends". Who they are, what I thought they were supposed to be, and what kind of one I should be.  Doesnt make much sense, I know. I dont know how else to say it, you know?

So let's get into this. Why did I start thinking about the whole friends definition? Twitter/Facebook feeds from my old close friends from high school. Tonight I'm finally recognizing that they aren't my best friends. Not anymore. And they probably never really were, to be honest.  Back in 9th/10th grade, I'd say was the last time I had legitimately best friends (aka people to talk boys with, cry with, yell with, do EVERYTHING with). I missed that.

But now I have it again. There are people who love me for no reason at all, and I can't understand why sometimes. They see me at my worst, when I cry in class or complain about something, whatever. And just by being around them I feel better. It's been a long time since I've had that a hundred percent of the time.
I'm just really lucky in that way. And I take it for granted, especially up here. Because I know when I go back home, the only people who I really care about seeing now are my parents and my dogs.

Ps if I'm being mopey/cheesey right now feel free to come up to me at some point and hit me. Softly. 

So I am taking this blog to say goodbye in a way. I'm saying goodbye to the label that I gave to people who don't deserve it. And I'm promising to those I care about now to be a better friend, and to care more. 

Enough of that. Time for me to be normal/not emo!
Things to look forward to:
-Black Dog with the Wind Symphony!
-A super mysterious hopefully amazing date I'm planning for tomorrow :)

-My three live baby fishes <3 

-Thanksgiving Break!

-Christmas

-Mumford & Sons (as in,  look forward to listening to it daily)

-ITALY 2012

-Being 2 decades old :P

-Lovely friends

-Amazing parents

Things will get better, for everyone. Nothing is permanent, unless you keep telling yourself it is.
Sorry I'm so verbally explosive..

Fighting Platies

I've been having a lot of trouble deciding whether or not I'm still into this whole thing. I mean, I can easily go write this in a notebook where no one will be able to read or know about it except me. You know, what people did before this whole social networking/stalking/internet business. But here I am. There's one person who I never really get to know anything about anymore, except for through the use of this thing, which is actually the biggest factor to not deleting it. Strange but true.

 Lots of things happen in life. In everyone's lives, not just specific few. So I'm not going to sit here and complain about how crappy my life is, because despite those few things that bring me down, there's a million good ones to equal them out. I wish so much that I could just be chill and consistently happy like a few of my friends here, because I don't like the attention bad moods bring. I'm at the point right now where I'm developing the social abilities to be comfortable around people I don't really know that well and it's really refreshing. Last night, I spent a few hours going random places with a group of people, most of whom I know, but not really. If that makes sense? but anyway, it was probably one of the better nights I've had this semester. That's the difference between sane people and those who go crazy with their friends, I think.  I'm one of those people who finds something annoying in almost everyone (being honest, I'm fully aware of how judgemental that is. If i told you i find myself annoying  would that make it  better? Ok.) but I realize how irrational that is too and get over it.

I dont know where I'm going with this. I just need to figure out what I can handle and who I want to be around for the rest of this experience, or I'm going to leave UNI in a few years, with a lot of regrets. I think. You can imagine the mess in my head, based on the collection of stupid thoughts in this blog post. I know how thrilling this was to read. My heart is fluttering right now as I write this :P

But i'm gonna watch my fish fight/flirt now. Happy thursday?